helping a freind

Well this is a first that i done of these but i am doing this to help a friend he is new to deviant art just two months in he is a writer and i want to support him or at least try to support him.His user name is yert67 he written an ok undertale story and  like to here what others have to say to improvement from other. I think there good enough but some other opinions is need so if you want to put you two cents in his user name is yert67 but please don't sting him to badly my freinds profile.